Leap of Faith

I’ve decided to take a leap of faith and not give myself an option to fail: I’m returning my wedding dress. 

Granted, I have a year until my wedding. But, I’m on a budget and this dress was gorgeous and an absolute steal: a $1200 dress for $100. Yes, $100- I didn’t forget a zero! 

It’s currently a little small on me (couldn’t zip up all the way) but I wasn’t worried about that. I was planning on losing weight, and intended on having to have it taken in after all was said and done. But, according to alterations, they can only take a dress down 2 sizes. 

I’m not sure where I’ll be 100lbs from now, but I know it will be more than 2 sizes. So, if I hold onto this dress, it’s like I would be allowing myself to fail. I don’t want to give myself that option at all. So, despite the insane steal this gorgeous gown was, I think I’m going to take it back. 

The thought of returning it terrifies me. It’s a great gown, and did I mention it was a steal and I’m entirely stressed about how I’m paying for the wedding? It’s like a safety net. I know there is a nice dress out there that basically fits me, and would work. 

I was planning on trying other gowns anyways, and seeing what I could find, but this dress was my back up. 

However, I feel like keeping it is giving me an out. I would still have an option not to lose this weight. To stay right around the size I am today. That will not happen. I’m going to take a chance and probably spend +$1000 more on whatever gown I end up finding, but that gown is going to be a lot smaller than the one hanging in the closet. 

A lot of people are being really supportive and encouraging of my goals, which I appreciate more than I can say. However, some of those closest to me- the ones who have seen my ups and downs and know my lifelong weight struggle the best- I feel like they’re not convinced I am really going to drop 100lbs in a year, especially without surgery, etc. But I’m going to prove anyone who doubts me wrong. I’m going to succeed. 

So… soon I will be without a wedding gown, and I’ll need to wait for several months before even trying anything on, because it just doesn’t make sense to try on gowns at this weight. That kills the neurotic pre-planner in me. I want every detail done already. I had my venue and honeymoon booked within the first week we were engaged. I have virtually all aspects planned out (except the favors, which I’m really struggling with) but now my gown is going to be up in the air until at least the end of this year. It takes so long to order, I’ll have to get something by then. But I should have a better idea of where I’ll be by the wedding and what we can make work. 

In any event, despite the queasiness I feel when I think about returning this gown, I’m going to do it. There’s no room for failure here. 

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