Do I dare go back to the gym?

So I haven’t been to the gym in MONTHS and MONTHS. And I keep intending to stop by and cancel my membership. Then I read a bunch of fitness motivational quotes on Pinterest. Damn Pinterest. Now I’m all pumped up and wanting to go back and work my ass off.

Technically I still have a bunch of personal training sessions left. I lost 40-60 lbs last year while going to the gym. Then I regained the weight, felt wholly uncomfortable and too fat to live, let alone go to a gym, and I haven’t been back since.

I even bought a treadmill so I could walk at home, in private, without stares and glares. I literally haven’t been able to work up the nerve to go back there for multiple months now.

Awhile back they called me bc I still have PT sessions left. I told them I was planning to cancel my membership. In the midst of writing this I ran downstairs (fiancé is sleeping in bed next to me) and summoned all my courage and called the gym. I asked if I could still use my training session sans he said he didn’t see why not. He wasn’t totally convincing and didn’t offer to schedule an appt for me, so I’m calling back tomorrow.

BUT just the idea that I am thinking of going back there- it’s terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

People are so judgmental when you’re fat. Just in general, but then at the gym? I feel like I get stared at and scrutinized even more than usual. Like, wth am I doing there? I’m disgusting I don’t belong with these fit people (even though yes, I realize that’s exactly where I should be and need to be). But did I mention it’s terrifying?!?!

Soooo….. Hopefully tomorrow I can still work up my nerve again and call back to see about scheduling some training sessions.

I’m dedicated to doing this and getting fit and making lasting lifestyle changes. I think this is a step in the right direction, but again, I’m utterly terrified. I’m beyond self-conscious, I can’t even express how mortifying the gym became to me. And right now I’m so much fatter, I don’t even fit in my “fat” exercise clothes! What am I thinking? Am I really considering this? Am I doing this?!

7 thoughts on “Do I dare go back to the gym?

  1. Go for it! It will be worth it and you will be happy you did it. Who cares what anyone else thinks. I know easier said than done. Find a trainer that you work well with and just focus on that person and your workout when you are there.

  2. Remember attitude is everything! Go and use your sessions. When people stare, think they are just seeing someone new. The more you go and get comfortable in the gym the less you’ll notice the stares. Also people will quit looking because you are showing a commitment to fitness just like they are.

    Chin up! Do it for yourself! You deserve it!

    • Thanks! Ok- I’m taking deep breaths and trying to psych myself up. One of the fitness motivational quotes I saw tonight said that whether you believe you can, or you believe you can’t, you’re right. So I’m going to choose to believe in myself. And you’re right- I’m doing this for me, not them. I need to focus on me and not worry about what people may be thinking- bc really I have no idea what they’re thinking. And if they are judging me, so be it. Ok- I’m going to call tomorrow and schedule my first session. Another quote I saw said something about changing your mind is key, because your body will only follow where your mind goes. So mine is apparently going back to the gym! Eeek! #StillTerrified #NotGonnaLie

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