So I haven’t been to the gym in MONTHS and MONTHS. And I keep intending to stop by and cancel my membership. Then I read a bunch of fitness motivational quotes on Pinterest. Damn Pinterest. Now I’m all pumped up and wanting to go back and work my ass off.
Technically I still have a bunch of personal training sessions left. I lost 40-60 lbs last year while going to the gym. Then I regained the weight, felt wholly uncomfortable and too fat to live, let alone go to a gym, and I haven’t been back since.
I even bought a treadmill so I could walk at home, in private, without stares and glares. I literally haven’t been able to work up the nerve to go back there for multiple months now.
Awhile back they called me bc I still have PT sessions left. I told them I was planning to cancel my membership. In the midst of writing this I ran downstairs (fiancé is sleeping in bed next to me) and summoned all my courage and called the gym. I asked if I could still use my training session sans he said he didn’t see why not. He wasn’t totally convincing and didn’t offer to schedule an appt for me, so I’m calling back tomorrow.
BUT just the idea that I am thinking of going back there- it’s terrifying and exhilarating all at once.
People are so judgmental when you’re fat. Just in general, but then at the gym? I feel like I get stared at and scrutinized even more than usual. Like, wth am I doing there? I’m disgusting I don’t belong with these fit people (even though yes, I realize that’s exactly where I should be and need to be). But did I mention it’s terrifying?!?!
Soooo….. Hopefully tomorrow I can still work up my nerve again and call back to see about scheduling some training sessions.
I’m dedicated to doing this and getting fit and making lasting lifestyle changes. I think this is a step in the right direction, but again, I’m utterly terrified. I’m beyond self-conscious, I can’t even express how mortifying the gym became to me. And right now I’m so much fatter, I don’t even fit in my “fat” exercise clothes! What am I thinking? Am I really considering this? Am I doing this?!