What I want: You got hot

 

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Is it wrong to consider your potential hotness as part of your motivation? I have been looking up motivational fitness quotes since last night. I saved a bunch to my phone for later use. One I ignored more than once was the “Do it for the ‘Holy Shit, You Got Hot'”. 

But I finally had to go and snag it. What’s so wrong about wanting to be hot? I know it’s allegedly superficial, but who doesn’t honestly want to be hot? It’s not even for everyone else, it’s for me. 

I want to feel sexy in my body, which is something I’ve never experienced. When I was half the size I am now, I thought I was huge. I never enjoyed what I had, albeit briefly. But, I’ve never felt “good” about myself. I’ve always hated my body. 

A few years ago was the first time I went to see a bariatric surgeon about weight-loss surgery. I’ve mentioned I’m doing this the old-fashioned way, through diet and exercise alone, but I did actually not only consider surgery, I had LapBand Surgery a few years ago. I had tons of issues, and while I did lose some weight, not what I should have. I had it removed this January. I was then considering the sleeve, but I’ve decided I don’t need that. I am capable of doing this on my own. Not to say anything bad about someone who chooses surgery, but it’s not the right path for me personally. 

Anyway, at the surgeon’s they had a scale that measured water, fat, lean muscle, etc. I found out my core body weight is around 130 lbs. So, a realistic weight goal for me was 150 lbs. Since then, I’ve tried keeping this in mind. I’ve basically accepted I’ll never be 103lbs (my ideal weight) or even the more practical 130 lbs (my high-school weight). I accepted I would always be fat, and therefore- in my opinion only of myself- ugly. I could never dare wear a bikini, for instance. I could never be anything other than the “fat friend”. 

But SCREW THAT. I do want to be fit, and I want to be healthy. And I really want to be, and more importantly FEEL like a beautiful bride. BUT, I also want to be HOT. There. I said it. 

I want to wear cute little clothes again and show off my body. Not because I’m looking for anything, but because it makes me feel good. I want to wear fun, sexy clothes- nothing vulgar, just cute and flirty. Most of all, I want to, for the first time in my life, wear a freaking bikini. I want to the “that” girl. 

I’ve not even allowed myself to dream about having such a body, but I think it’s time I start. My body will never be perfect, and I’m not striving for perfection. But I am striving to be the best me I can be. Why can’t that be someone who happens to be hot? 

So- while I’m sticking to my original plan, losing 100lbs by my wedding day next June, that will definitely not be the end of my journey. 

I’m going to keep going- not just to lose weight, but to become fit and toned and to create a body I never thought possible. I did start my membership back up at the gym, and they’re letting me use the approximately 36 personal training sessions I had leftover. Going twice/wk for PT, that equals about 4.5 months of training! Which is just about the time I have until trying on wedding gowns in November. Coincidence? I think not… 

So this journey will take some time, but in 2 yrs, I’ll only be 33. There are women in their 40s and yes, even 50s who wear bikinis and cute little clothes. So, at 33, I’ll just be entering the beginning of my prime I think. I’m much smarter than I was in my 20’s, and I don’t loathe myself nearly as much as I used to. My 20’s were really hard for me. So many things went on and I struggled with so much, hence the rapid and excessive weight gain. But now I’m over that. This is a new decade, and I intend on making it the best one yet! 

9 thoughts on “What I want: You got hot

  1. I could have written this! I have considered bariatric surgery so many times, to the point that I even was looking for a way to get my insurance to pay for it. But I just can’t bring myself to actually do it because I know I can do this the “old-fashioned way “. If I ever had bariatric surgery I would want it to be the absolute last thing that I tried because I honestly gave it my all with the old-fashioned way. I don’t want to lose weight just to be healthy and skinny. I want to lose way your good man skin. I want my husband to look at me and think I’m hot. I want to feel hot! I want to look in the mirror and be the girl I envy now. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

    • Haha- I was wondering about that one! Yes- I almost feel guilty or something for wanting to be hot. I know my fiancé loves me exactly as I am, but I want to feel hot for myself. And I do want him to look at me and think “damn!” I don’t want to stare at other women’s bodies and be envious- I want to get my body to that place. I’m not saying I won’t need a little plastic surgery- I fully anticipate a tummy tuck at least, but I want to feel good about myself- like you said, feel good in my own skin. I don’t want to make excuses that I’ll never attain that so why even try, you know? I want to keep pushing and working and seeing just how far I can get.

  2. I’m with you! I plan to loose about 20-35 lbs, I’m only 4’11 and a bit chubby. I want to get back into my size 1-3 pants, feel sexy and small with some curves. I also want to feel comfortable in a two-piece bikini and not give a crap about the stretch marks I have from gaining 100 lbs during my pregnancy. I want to feel like a HOT young, attractive and smart young woman. I understand where you’re coming from, work for the HOT body you want. Any motivation is better than sitting on the couch or laying in bed. Eager to see your future post.

    • Awww thank you! Love your comments! You’ve got this!!!! I want to finally feel my age too- and rock that bikini! Probably after a tummy tuck, which I hope will get rid of most stretch marks. And then I also want to not care about whatver other imperfections there are and just finally feel *confident* thanks!!!

      • You’re welcome! Just blog away…vent and who cares if you’re not size 0 or 5, everyone is different. As long as you’re motivated, there will be a rewarding outcome.

  3. I definitely want to look hot! Lol for me and to shove it in the face of my cheating ex. 😉 I want to wear cute clothes and feel food about my body. This was such a good post. I’m so glad someone finally said it. It’s almost like a stigma to say you want to look good when losing weight. Yes I want to be healthy and fit but come on i want to look good too
    I looked into surgery but my insurance didn’t cover it. I have several friends who have had the lap band though and none of them regret. Not everything works for everyone. Just have to find what does. 🙂

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