Pushing myself

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My daily step goal has been 5000 steps, since I’m just starting back. But, I didn’t average that last week. So this week I’m pushing myself to beat my fitbit stats from last week.

My goal will be to hit 5000 steps per day. Every day. To do so, I’ll need to walk about a mile each day in addition to my regular daily activities.

I was obsessed with fitbit when I first got it, and then my original one died after taking an accidental swim. For awhile I didn’t use anything but I’m glad I bought the flex and am using fitbit again. I think it can really help me stay on track and where I need to be.

I also love that it syncs to mfp. Makes life so easy. I try to never eat my exercise cals, but I love seeing the “net cals” figure. Makes me feel like I’ve really done something.

I had a deficit last week, but this week I’m pushing for a bigger deficit. I want to work towards lowering my cals by 50-100. Don’t think I’m quite ready yet. Some days I do ok, but like today I had a little bingethon early this morning.

I totally overrate and did I mention that carbs were involved? It was bad. Luckily I worked out the rest of my day to still meet my calorie goal for the day (barely!).

So I don’t want to drop my cals too soon, but I really need to work on this. I’ve got to consistently eat less and make every day a “good day”.

Eating appropriately is such a struggle for me. I hate it. And I know it’s never going away. No matter what I weigh, I’m going to have this internal battle.

I was never really taught how to eat “normally”. For years I binged and purged and restricted food. I have had such unhealthy habits. That was the only way I knew how to control my weight. When I finally stopped that behavior, I started gaining weight. I learned to stop doing something harmful, but I never learned coping skills to use in its place. And I still binge. I just don’t purge, hence the waist- and everything else- keeps expanding.

I love food and I hate it at the same time. I know I have to change my thinking, but that doesn’t happen overnight. So much farther yet to go on this lifelong journey…

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