Refocusing

I think I’ve turned the corner, as far as getting back on track. Took me a little while (definitely longer than I wanted), but, I think I’ve *finally* turned the corner. I’ve cut out all junk from my diet and am back to eating 3 meals/day. I am eating over calories, because I’m snacking (on good things) too often. I’ve got to get my portions back under control. Goal #1. 

I am not hitting my steps yet, either, but i WILL. i am working to get them back up. Of course tonight I am cleaning and so I’m moving, but I didn’t walk. I’m going to set my alarm to get up and walk tomorrow before work. That is just what works for me- I have to get it out of the way first thing. I try just using my fitbit alarm (it vibrates on my arm) so as not to wake the fiancé, but I’m going to have to suck it up, and just use a REAL alarm again. The kind that make obnoxious noise and jolt you awake. These soft vibrations are just not doing it for me. 

So I’ve got a plan of attack. I’m refocused on my goals, and determined to make progress. I can still feasibly lose 100lbs by my wedding. I just have to stay on track and keep improving. I can’t let myself get comfortable. I have to keep pushing harder and harder, and I’m going to. 

I have been exceptionally stressed lately, which is not helping anything. Unfortunately my stress is somewhat out of my control. There is hope for the future, but in the meantime I’ve just got to get it together and try to let it go and not sit and obsess about it, which is totally my thing. 

Nothing is going to change this minute, so I shouldn’t keep wasting all this time thinking about it. But that’s easier said than done, especially for me. My natural tendency is to obsess and ruminate about every little thing. I truly don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to get through some things, but I’ve got to at some point just have faith it will all work out. Somehow or someway. 

Getting to that point is not going to be easy. I’m not there yet, but at least I’m acknowledging and trying to work towards that, instead of just doing what comes naturally to me. I do like to plan, and I think you need to plan to be successful. At least in my life, things don’t just happen. You have to make them happen. But, I can’t make miracles happen overnight. I’ve got to just keep trucking along and doing my best and working hard and at some point have a little faith. 

So hard to just have faith. 

I have to keep working hard and trucking on my lifestyle change as well. That’s not going to just happen, either, that’s for sure. But, to a degree, I have to have faith I can do this, too. I found some old clothes and old pics while cleaning things out. The clothes were so small. I found my favorite pair of khaki’s from when I was younger– they were a size MEDIUM. I cannot remember when I was ever a size medium, but I wore those things ALL the time. I was never “skinny”, but I was so much more normal. I will never be a size 2, but I can be a size 12 again. I found old clothes around that size, too. That’s a very realistic goal for me, although of course, deep down, I want to be smaller. I want to be a size 2. 

My body just isn’t built for that. But, I can’t quite let go of that. Realistically, by my wedding, I will probably still be a plus size. No matter how hard I work, I’m going to be considered “fat”. I’ve seen pics of people that were around a size that is realistic for me to be at my wedding, and I thought they looked huge still. Which just makes me realize how much HUGER I am right now. 

I don’t want to look back at pictures of what should be the happiest day of my entire life with such disgust and regret. It is not going to be easy, but I have absolutely got to lose this weight. I will not look the way I truly want to look for my wedding, but anything is better than what I am now. And if I can lose 100 lbs, that’s 5-10 dress sizes. That will be a HUGE difference over where I am. 

Having faith and just trusting God, or the universe, or whatever you believe in, is so freaking hard for me. But, first I’ve got to believe in myself, or none of my dreams are going to come true. Weight-wise, work-wise, life-wise. I have a hard time believing in myself. I’ve got to trust deep down that i CAN do this. It is possible. Seeing those old clothes made it real and tangible- I have been smaller, and I can maintain a smaller weight. I did it for a long time. Albeit not in a healthy manner, but now I have tools that I did not have back then. I’m in a different place and I’m a different person and now I can do better. I’m capable of doing this, I just have to work my ass off and make it happen. 

 

 

Argh!

I’m having the *worst* day. Normally that would mean I would also be having the worst possibility day nutritionally as well, but so far I’m keeping my food intake under control. I have had a few snacks (instead of one) but I’m still on track with calories for the day. I think I will be ok.

I’m happy I’m logging and not using my awful mood as an excuse to eat. Feels good to do what I know is right and healthy- even if I’m not perfect.

I’m certain I’ve posted that before, but I thought it was worth the reminder: strive for progress, not perfection. How true is that? I am certainly far from perfect but I really have made such progress.

So, I’m going to keep taking deep breaths, get some more caffeine, and keep pushing. Things could always be worse- and no, I don’t need the universe to prove that to me! I believe it!!!

316 Days until the wedding 👰

Starting over, Day 1: so far, so good!

I ate breakfast and lunch and am on target for my calories for the day. I will need to walk awhile when I get home tonight to get my steps in. But I’m going to do it!

I have 316 days left to lose —– I don’t know how many lbs. I forgot to weigh this am for a new starting point. Bit keys just call it 100.

With 45 weeks left until my wedding, to lose 100 lbs starting now is still only 2.2 lbs/wk. totally doable and track healthy still.

So from here on out, it is war. I will not stop and I will not give up.

I started because I want to feel beautiful in my wedding dress! I want to be the beautiful bride I’ve always dreamed of! 👰

My engagement photo shoot is potentially only 43 days away! Still trying to figure that out, thanks to the hiccup with the location being closed for renovations.

I can still lose some weight before then, though. And dress shopping is in November- so that will be here in no time! I’ve got to be down and prove I am doing this. No excuses.

Month over month: no change

Went to the Dr this morning and he was not happy with me. My weight was about the same as it was last month, so I’ve apparently regained what I had lost.

I am looking at booking our airfare for our honeymoon, which only served to remind me I have to lose this weight. I want to be able to comfortably fit in one airline seat next year.

I have been struggling off and on a out the last two weeks. I’ve decided tomorrow, I start anew.

Tonight I will plan and prepare for tomorrow and get myself back on track for good.

I’m making a few goals, which I’ll update you on each day:
1) walk 7000 steps/day
2) stick to 1500 cals/day
3) blog daily- accountability

I’m still going to succeed and get this weight off. I have to. Time to dig deep and start working hard again. No more starting and stopping. This is it.

Daily steps

I’ve finally decided to increase my daily step goal to 7000. Previously I was trying to get 5000/day and to be honest I haven’t been consistently hitting that goal.

But I’m tired of being where I am and I’ve decided it’s time to push harder. I eventually want to get back up over 10,000/day, but that will take time.

I think it’s time to push myself to hit 7000/day, though. I did +7600 on Saturday just from running errands and cleaning for +8 hrs.

Today I am already close to 5000, thanks to my gym time before work this am. Had my trainer today, too, so that’s always a nice way to start off the week!

To be honest, my food choices have been deteriorating over the past week.

But, starting effective immediately, I am determined to get back on track and stay there.

I like to “start over” on a new day, but all that does is give me an excuse to eat poorly the remainder of the current day. So we’re not doing that this time! It ends now.

I’m tired of being fat and unhappy. I’m also looking into a new food plan- I know people who have been successful, but it doesn’t include counting calories, so it basically completely freaks me out. But I agreed to get more information on it before I make up my mind.

Ultimately I have to do what works for me. I am extremely reluctant to just stopping counting calories, because to me when I don’t count, I try to get away with things. But I am working on making this a lasting, healthy lifestyle, so I’m at least going to be open enough to check it out.

More to come on that… For now my focus for this week will be increasing my steps! And I’ve got to work hard(er) at eating 3 balanced meals/day. No skipping, no fast food, no binging.

Wish me luck- and determination!