I’m definitely feeling increasingly desperate about my situation. I so much wanted to do this on my own, and while I’ve had some successes, the set backs equal them out.
I’m reconsidering having weight loss surgery, specifically a sleeve gastrectomy. Even thinking about having the surgery freaks me out.
I have friends who think I should, and friends who think I shouldn’t, but ultimately I have to make the decision. I have some calls in, to look into potentially going through with this.
Some of you may remember I had my lapband removed in January and had actually had surgery scheduled over the summer for the sleeve. I was scared and decided against it, which is when I started this blog. I wanted to get serious and lose the weight for the wedding but more importantly for my health and the rest of my life.
Well, I’m back right about where i started. Which is ultimately a failure.
I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried very hard to do this on my own (more than once, not just since starting this blog) and I’ve failed time after time. I promised myself I would never let myself get to a certain weight again, and here I am.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I’ve accomplished many things in my life, but I’ve never been able to sustain a healthy weight.
I’ve continued to balloon up over the years. There have been ups and downs, but the trend is an ever-expanding waistline.
I’m truly feeling quite desperate and beside myself and also quite alone.
I don’t know what to do, but I’m seeing what my options are for surgery. It’s just scares me to death. But so does potentially weighing 500 lbs one day.
I was always overweight. I *never* thought I would be on of “those” people, though. But I’m pretty much there. I am terrified of continuing to gain as the years go by. I don’t know how to control this or what else to try.
Right now I’m just trying to keep it together and not have a complete meltdown…