Going for broke

I’m definitely feeling increasingly desperate about my situation. I so much wanted to do this on my own, and while I’ve had some successes, the set backs equal them out.

I’m reconsidering having weight loss surgery, specifically a sleeve gastrectomy. Even thinking about having the surgery freaks me out.

I have friends who think I should, and friends who think I shouldn’t, but ultimately I have to make the decision. I have some calls in, to look into potentially going through with this.

Some of you may remember I had my lapband removed in January and had actually had surgery scheduled over the summer for the sleeve. I was scared and decided against it, which is when I started this blog. I wanted to get serious and lose the weight for the wedding but more importantly for my health and the rest of my life.

Well, I’m back right about where i started. Which is ultimately a failure.

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried very hard to do this on my own (more than once, not just since starting this blog) and I’ve failed time after time. I promised myself I would never let myself get to a certain weight again, and here I am.

I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I’ve accomplished many things in my life, but I’ve never been able to sustain a healthy weight.

I’ve continued to balloon up over the years. There have been ups and downs, but the trend is an ever-expanding waistline.

I’m truly feeling quite desperate and beside myself and also quite alone.

I don’t know what to do, but I’m seeing what my options are for surgery. It’s just scares me to death. But so does potentially weighing 500 lbs one day.

I was always overweight. I *never* thought I would be on of “those” people, though. But I’m pretty much there. I am terrified of continuing to gain as the years go by. I don’t know how to control this or what else to try.

Right now I’m just trying to keep it together and not have a complete meltdown…

7 thoughts on “Going for broke

  1. I’m sorry that you’re having such an incredibly hard time. I want you to know I think you are very brave to be looking at your situation clearly and honestly. I know you’ll make the right choice for you, and I look forward to seeing you looking healthy and happy in your dress, if you choose to post pictures. Have hope, and don’t say anything to yourself about yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone else. I believe that you will succeed, one way or another

    • Thank you so much. I lobe your advice about not saying something about myself that i wouldnt say about anyone else. I have *never* thought about it that way! Its so easy to be so hard on ourselves, isnt it? Im going to keep this is mind. And im trying to be as realistic with myself as possible. I know that no matter what i choose, there must be drastic changes ahead, regardless. Thank you agian

  2. You need to do what is best for you. I know you wouldn’t make this decision lightly, and I think that because you have had a lapband, you are well-informed on the topic of wls. Ultimately, you need to find a tool that will promote a sustainable lifestyle change. If, for you, that is bariatric surgery, I wish you nothing but positive vibes and success!

  3. Failure is getting knocked down and refusing to get back up, and you have yet to do that. We all understand how hard this is, and you have so many people here supporting you. The fact that you keep coming back and trying, proves that you truly want this and you certainly deserve health and happiness. Whatever decision you make needs to be the best decision for You. Best of luck 🙂

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