Sitting in the surgeons office

A million things are running through my head. Like, I should have gotten the surgery when it was approved earlier this year. What if I missed m chance? How did I let myself get this fat? Looking at charts and letting is sink in that I am more than morbidly obese. How disgusting is that? I’m just like those people you see on TV that go for surgery. I never thought I would be in this position, yet I was always worried I would.

Back in grade school, I remember seeing this heavy girl, a year older than me. I literally prayed I never weighed that much one day… Yet here I am.

I have to make a lasting lifestyle change and get my eating and thereby my weight under control. I can’t keep living like this. It’s not even living, it’s hiding and surviving.

I’m tired of feeling the way I feel and looking the way I look and being limited in what I can do. I’m tired of being scared of breaking a chair or wondering if I can fit in a chair.

It’s an awful space to be trapped in, and I’ve got to do whatever it takes to reclaim my life and my freedom.

I could cry right now, which is not a good thing. I’m just so sick of being like this. I can’t believe how bad this really is.

I think I’ve decided I want to pursue surgery… I still need to talk to the surgeon, hear what he has to say, but I’ve tried a million times on my own and always failed. I’ve got to do something different and face my fears and shed this weight. There’s so much life ahead of me still, and I want to be an active participant and not a bystander.

8 thoughts on “Sitting in the surgeons office

  1. I’m sorry that you seem so discouraged. It’s not cheating to get the surgery. It’s still hard and scary and it’s a shame that people aren’t more respectful. What’s important is that you are taking action for your own health. Keep your chin up!

    • Awww thank you so much!!! It is still going to be hard and is def scary (which is why i didnt get it last summer) tho the Dr made me feel a bit better about the potential risks. Im feeling a bit better and more optimistic today. I have a long, hard road ahead of me, regardless

  2. Surgery isn’t the easy way out – it’s not cheating. In many ways, surgery is probably harder than working the weight off with diet and exercise. There’s a risk of death, there’s no guarantee you’ll keep it off (look at Carnie Wilson!), you’re way more restricted diet wise, and you still have to work it hard exercising….the weight just comes off faster because you’re so restricted. It’s a tough decision to make! I wish you all the best and I’ll be praying you make the right decision for you!

    • Ty so much!!! It definitely isnt a magic answer to anything and u are very restricted- for the rest of your life. Plus the lifelong special vitamins, etc. But, i am hopeful this will be the way i can finally succeed and get back down to a more healthy weight. Not super skinny or anything, just healthy. I am moving forward and working towards surgery…

  3. I swear, reading this post is like reading my own thoughts on the screen. I have been going back and forth on whether I want to get weight loss surgery myself…it’s not an easy decision. Do what you feel is right for you. Good luck to you!

    • Thank you so much! Its definitely not an easy decision and losing this much weight is very hard, any way you look at it. Im starting to realize that… I hope you come to the right decision for you, as well!!! Best of luck!!!

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