The last supper

Who has ever been on a weight loss journey and not had their version of a “last supper”? Tonight was the fiancé’s birthday, so I took him to Ruth’s Chris. We usually have the Ruths classics, but tonight we decided to splurge. I wanted him to have whatever he wanted on the menu… And I also wanted to enjoy my last “fancy” night out– so I opted for the 11oz filet mignon. 😍

Needless to say, it was utterly delicious, right down to the vanilla bean creme brûlée (my absolute fave) for dessert! Yes– we even had dessert… This was an all-out splurge fest.

I’ll never eat a full meal there again 😔 kind of sad to think about like that. I had to cancel our valentines reservations, because I’ll be on all liquids.

We’ll still go again– our rehearsal dinner will be at Ruth’s Chris , but I’ll only be able to eat a little of the steak– probably 3oz.

I’m just a little in mourning over losing the ability to splurge if I want, you know? It’s a little sad, to be completely honest with you. Obviously I like food, I use food to celebrate when I’m happy, or comfort me when I’m sad or stressed, etc. I’m no longer going to be eating the way I’ve eaten for my whole life.

I’ll be eating a whopping 6 meals a day, which seems like tons, but I’ll be eating such teeny weeny portions. And all protein. If I liked protein that much, I wouldn’t be this fat. I like carbs. And carbs and I are basically breaking up forever.

It’s sick to say this, but it’s almost like mourning the loss of a friend. Food has always been there for me through the best and worst of times, you know?

So I’m actually getting a little depressed.

Also, maybe a little mad. Because I can’t just have a night out anymore, after this surgery. It’s not like I’ll ever not be able to eat something ever again (though that’s entirely what it feels like). But, I’ll be able to have maybe a bite, at most.

In order to stay healthy, besides taking alexia bariatric vitamins for the rest of my life, I have to eat protein, protein, protein. 1g for every 10cals. So not alleged “high-protein” fun stuff like almonds or peanut butter.

I have to stick with “real” high-protein, like lean ground beef, chicken, and some Greek yogurt. At every single meal. For the rest of my life. My pouch will be so small I can’t eat fruits and veggies, like I love.

I have to get as much “bang for my buck” so to speak, with the protein. If I eat fruit or veg, there’s less room for the protein that my body will desperately need.

So, it’s just a little depressing and I really do feel like I’m in mourning a bit. How sick is that? Clearly there’s a reason I’m over 300 lbs.

But, at least I got one last night out, at a nice restaurant, with the love of my life, and I definitely savored the deliciousness. Now, I have to let go of turning towards food, and work on new and healthy alternatives. I have a long journey ahead of me, but I intend to be strong, both physically and mentally.

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