Moment by momentĀ 

Losing weight and making the right choices are a moment by moment struggle for me some days. 

I’m +60 lbs down, with 120lbs to go. I was (am) morbidly obese. I got into this situation because of my issues with food. 

I’ve never been a normal weight my entire life. In 3rd grade a classmate made up a song about how fat I was, which I still remember to this day. Actually, it was how ugly AND fat I was. 

In high school, I lost weight and was the closest I’ve ever been to a “normal” BMI. But, for high school, that was still super fat. I’ve always been the fat girl. 

The lowest I ever got was 135lbs (I am only 5’3″) and that was in high school. Size 10– still double digits and very “HS fat”. It also didn’t last long. I couldn’t maintain. 

I’ve never been able to maintain by being healthy. From about 12-21/22 I was bulimic. It took me a long time to be able to say that. That was how I got to 135 lbs. that’s how I mostly stayed around 150-160lbs. I’ve never known how to just eat like you’re supposed. I’ve always binged, purged. After I quit purging (lots of therapy), I never learned how to quit binging. 

I’ve had two weight loss surgeries and feel like a complete failure. The lapband gave me nothing but issues, so I revised to sleeve. I’m down less than 70lbs in a year. That is not considered successful. 

I’m going to my one year follow up with the surgeon on February 16th (one year, to the day) and today I almost threw up I was so stressed about going to see him. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I cannot consistently follow an appropriate eating plan. To be honest, I wish sometimes I could be bulimic again. Or anorexic. Tried that for awhile, but then I finally was successful at making myself purge and food is way better than no food. Although I still used to go days without eating. Now I try to do liquids to reset, and I can’t last a day. 

It’s disgusting and pathetic. I’m disgusting and pathetic. 

If I eat on track, and exercise, I lose weight. It’s not hard!!! Yet, it feels like the absolute hardest thing in the world for me!!!! 

I don’t know how to overcome this. I’m literally at a loss. I do not want to be this fat, obese person the rest of my life. I’m tired of struggling and I’m tired of fighting every single day. 

Paper and penĀ 

Been struggling to get and STAY under 250. Currently I’m back up to 254. So, tryig something new– or, old? Going back to basics!!!

I’ve started tracking weight, cals, exercise on my planner, like in olden days. I think weighing daily and recording it, manually recording my cals and macros and exercise and being able to see it in one place, in one shot will help. 

I’m also going back to basics in my diet. Started today on clear liquids, and will progress back to (healthy) solids over the next 10 days. 

I have already committed to taking the puppy walking this Sunday (about a 3-mile hike) and I’m trying to get my focus back. 

I’m not quitting, and I will be successful in losing the rest of this weight! I’ve come too far to quit now! 

3.5lbs down this week

Stats recap time! 

Starting/high weight: 316lbs January 2015

Current weight: 249 lbs January 2016

Goal weight: 130-150lbs by December 2016

67 lbs down total, 119 yet to go. 

After being off track the second half of last year (after the wedding) I’m happy to have survived the holidays, lost the holiday weight gain, and be back on track! 

This week I have lost 3.5 lbs and last week I lost 3.8 lbs. I’m on track to hit my goal of 10lbs/mo, as I’m trying to lose the remaining 119lbs by year-end. Time to be done. 

  
Feeling pretty good about my progress this week. I wasn’t “perfect” but I still lost. I ate carbs (from veg, not starches) and still lost. 

I’m also learning it doesn’t have to be all or nothing- either “perfect” or a disaster. I don’t have to be under 20 carbs each day, I can stay under 50 with eating veg and be ok. 

This is a challenging process and not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Hopefully I’ll continue to learn and stay on track and make progress. 

  

Week One Back on Track

First week back on track after the holiday struggle and I’m already down 3.8lbs this week.   

Pretty proud that I’m back to losing and thankful there’s no more temptations in the near future. No reason to get off track. 

This year my goal is to lose 120 lbs which will get me to goal (130’s). 

I thought it would take me longer than it has to get my carbs back down under 20/day, but the last two days I’ve hit that. 

Next step is to get portions back down and I have actually been eating a bit too much protein. Goal is 90/day and today I’ve already surpassed that and still have dinner and a snack ahead of me. 

Today I’ve mostly drank my cals and protein, but I’m going to start limiting that. Only one protein drink per day, or bar. The rest I want to come from “real” food. 

I also need to cut my portions down some I think. I know I could probably eat half a burger and be fine, but I’ve been eating whole ones. Plus two slices of cheese, when clearly one is plenty. That’s my goal for next week: portion control. 

All in all I’m feeling pretty optimistic about 2016 and the rest of my journey. 

Can’t wait to see where I am by month-end!!! Come on, 10lbs down!!!! 

2016 – goals and progress pics

I may not have met my goals on the timetable I originally envisioned, but I’m sure as hell never giving up. 

I’m not where I want to be, but I’m certainly not where I was, either. 

  

I lost 59 lbs last year. While most of that was truly lost in about the first 6 months, it’s still something to be proud of. I need to remember that. Remember how far I’ve already come. 

This year I’ve decided to set my goal again to lose 120lbs. That’s 10lbs/mo, which is again doable. I’ve done it before, so no doubt I’m capable. 

I figure you might as well aim high, it makes no sense to make mediocre goals. 120lbs down is also just about the total weight I still need to lose to hit goal. 

This year is full of potential. It’s up to me to put in the hard work and make the most of it. 

The most important thing is to never give up. I’m committing early to making this my year. 

This year my focus is all about health: physical, financial, and mental. 

I can’t wait to see where this year takes me.