Day 4 being back on track, and I had my mid-week check-in this morning

<Drumroll please>

I am down 8.2 lbs since Sunday!!! 

Please note this loss is due to the first week back on low carb along with suspected water weight. 

Nonetheless I am super excited with the progress I’ve made!!! When I jumped on the scale last weekend and saw 269 I was quite literally a bit shocked. It was extremely jarring. Being back down to 260.8 feels much better, and gives me a lot of motivation to keep going! 

Little upset that I overslept this morning, and did not have a chance to take my morning walk or do my morning meditation. Now it’s evening, but so far I haven’t talked myself into walking yet. 

Despite being a little discouraged about my motivation, I’m really trying to continue focusing on the positive. So far cals/carbs are better than yesterday, protein is good, and oh, yah– I lost 8.2lbs in 4 Days!!! 

Now I just have to be consistent and get back to walking, and also finally start adding my videos and weights in. Also within the next week, I believe I start adding my elliptical in too. Very short intervals at first, as it kills me and I’m super out of shape. But I’ll build up. 

Consistency is key!!!! 

Day 3 – Getting my groove back 

It’s my third day being back on track with my eating and exercise and I am feeling great! 

Today I was ever so slightly over the calorie goal I set for myself (1436 vs 1400) but I was only at 30 carbs for the day (goal was 40, as I’m working my way back down to 20) and I had 129g protein 🙂 i also not only did my planned morning walk, I threw in an evening walk too! 

So I walked over 2 miles outside today, burning over 500 cals (approx/allegedly). 

Oh! I also blew away the small step goal I set for myself, as I’m trying to work back up there as well. Goal was 4000 steps, so far I’m over 6500. 

I also did my morning meditation with affirmation and I will get my evening meditation in before bed. 

Tomorrow is my mid-week, make sure I’m on track weigh-in. Goal for this week was only to lose 1lb, as I knew I wouldn’t be 100% on point yet. I’ve already lost that in water weight, so feeling pretty good about Sunday’s official weigh in. 

All in all I’m really feeling very positive about my progress and life in general. I think my change in attitude and actively working to be kinder to myself is really, really making a huge difference. 

I can’t wait to start seeing results again! 

Day 1- it got real

Stayed up until 3a last night writing down my daily goals for the next few weeks. 

Getting progressively harder day by day, building up a little more each day. 

Plan is very realistic– first week, goal is to lose 1 lb. I am reducing carbs daily, until I get back down to 20. Reducing cals slowly, until I get back down to 1200. I’m slowly increasing activity and doing a video and walk daily. 

A new facet of my plan is meditation, both in the morning and evening. My life coach gave me customized affirmations, 2 pages of them, and I have picked one per day to focus on. I’m starting slow, meditating for 2 min in the am and pm, and focusing on that day’s affirmation. I will increase to meditation for 10-15 min. 

I’m really refocusing whole heartedly, mind and body. 

I also started adding positive sayings to start each day– fitness motivation, inspiration, etc. Missed the first couple days, but I’m really trying to start each day off on the right foot and continue to be positive and mindful throughout the day. 

This is not going to be easy. I really struggle with food and consistency. But, I absolutely have to do this. I’m determined to stay focused and consistent and I know I’ll see results. 

I’m trying to be very realistic in my goals, and accept that it’s going to take time. I’m not going to lose massive amounts of weight overnight. I’m going to lose slowly, but that’s ok. I need to lose and keep the weight off, instead of this dramatic yo-yo. 

Weighed this morning, for a baseline of Day 1 being back on track: 269.0. 

By next Sunday, my goal is to have lost 1 lb. More importantly, my goals are to hit every daily goal, and get back to being consistent. Log my food, workout, and keep moving! 

Oh– I also listed a place to mark a success every single day– what is something I did right that day? Really trying to change my way of thinking, and learn to be kind to myself. Wish me luck!!! 

2016 – goals and progress pics

I may not have met my goals on the timetable I originally envisioned, but I’m sure as hell never giving up. 

I’m not where I want to be, but I’m certainly not where I was, either. 


I lost 59 lbs last year. While most of that was truly lost in about the first 6 months, it’s still something to be proud of. I need to remember that. Remember how far I’ve already come. 

This year I’ve decided to set my goal again to lose 120lbs. That’s 10lbs/mo, which is again doable. I’ve done it before, so no doubt I’m capable. 

I figure you might as well aim high, it makes no sense to make mediocre goals. 120lbs down is also just about the total weight I still need to lose to hit goal. 

This year is full of potential. It’s up to me to put in the hard work and make the most of it. 

The most important thing is to never give up. I’m committing early to making this my year. 

This year my focus is all about health: physical, financial, and mental. 

I can’t wait to see where this year takes me. 

Water goals 

How do you get in YOUR water each day?!

My minimum water goal is 70oz/day, but more is better, especially if you go by weight! 

I have struggled for the longest to get all my water in, though I did better when exercising in the am– got a jump start on consumption. 

This week I have started tracking my water intake again, as it’s super important to weight loss and your overall health. I’ve also cut out ALL other liquids- water only for me, please! (Goodbye, sweet tea…) 

A way I’ve been able to up up my water intake has been using these babies! 

They even have little words of encouragement hidden in the flap! 

70 cals and 15g of protein per serving, only 1 carb. Lots and lots of flavors to choose from, but my go-to’s are the strawberry kiwi and the pineapple ones-Delish!!!

I limit myself to 2/day, because there still is a carb, plus it’s better to eat real food. 

Then the rest of the time I’m having crystal light, which I am constantly rotating because I loooove a flavor and then a week later can’t stand it! 

I also have started having my fiber water again, and up to one protein shake per day. 

I try to utilize my large 32oz drinkware (thank you, Target!) because I at least think I drink more that way. 

Then I’ve been tracking my water intake as I finish in MFP, which I don’t love because it goes by cups, but, it’ll work. I need to get back to using my Fitbit, and I enjoy their water tracked much better (by oz). 

What tips and tricks do you have, and how much water do you consume per day?! 

Killed my macros! 

This is my end-view from yesterday of my macros– I don’t think I’ve ever done this well!!! 

Got 144g of protein for the day, which surpassed my goal of 90g/day. 

My fat and carb percentages all look pretty good as well, so I was super happy and proud of myself. I literally think this may be the best I’ve done since my surgery. 

Today is Day 3 back on my diet, and I’m already at 50g protein after breakfast and mid-am snack and I’ve only had 4g carbs. So killing it, yet again!!!

We recently moved and there is no gym near us now, but I ordered an elliptical. It is actually supposed to arrive at the local warehouse today, so they should then call me within 48 hrs to schedule delivery/assembly. 

I’ve only got 3 months until I’m at my one-year post surgery, which is my golden window to lose weight. So I’m really going to try to lose as much as possible the next 3 months. That means no carbs for holiday meals and absolutely adhering to my diet. 

My goal is to lose 40 lbs by February. That will put me at 100lbs down in the first year. 

I really could have/should have lost more, but I can’t change what’s been done, I can only move forward. Which I’m 110% committed to doing. 


Day 2 of renewed focus: color me obsessed 

I’m actually freaking out a little, as I was feeling so good about getting back on track yesterday (and killing it!) that I joined a few sleeve support groups on Fb. 

Then I got super depressed and felt like a failure, after seeing people losing 70-100 lbs in only 6 mos! I am WAY behind!!! 

I’ve completely wasted the last 3-4 months and now I’m super stressed. 

I emailed the nutritionist what I’m doing and asked what other changes I can make to maximize my weight loss going forward. 

So, I’m completely obsessing now over my weight, which I think is good. I’m focused and will stay dedicated and on track, as long as I keep obsessing about losing the weight and getting fit and healthy. 

The liquid diet didn’t last long, but I am still only eating 2-3 actual meals a day, and using protein drinks the rest of the time. 

I even found low sugar/carb ketchup, which I also used last night to make a low carb/sugar cocktail sauce. So, I’m really trying to give 110% on this. 

My elliptical should be installed soon, I hope. Waiting for the call, which should be in the next couple days. 

I have to stay obsessed and focused and really kill it… 

The last supper

Who has ever been on a weight loss journey and not had their version of a “last supper”? Tonight was the fiancé’s birthday, so I took him to Ruth’s Chris. We usually have the Ruths classics, but tonight we decided to splurge. I wanted him to have whatever he wanted on the menu… And I also wanted to enjoy my last “fancy” night out– so I opted for the 11oz filet mignon. 😍

Needless to say, it was utterly delicious, right down to the vanilla bean creme brûlée (my absolute fave) for dessert! Yes– we even had dessert… This was an all-out splurge fest.

I’ll never eat a full meal there again 😔 kind of sad to think about like that. I had to cancel our valentines reservations, because I’ll be on all liquids.

We’ll still go again– our rehearsal dinner will be at Ruth’s Chris , but I’ll only be able to eat a little of the steak– probably 3oz.

I’m just a little in mourning over losing the ability to splurge if I want, you know? It’s a little sad, to be completely honest with you. Obviously I like food, I use food to celebrate when I’m happy, or comfort me when I’m sad or stressed, etc. I’m no longer going to be eating the way I’ve eaten for my whole life.

I’ll be eating a whopping 6 meals a day, which seems like tons, but I’ll be eating such teeny weeny portions. And all protein. If I liked protein that much, I wouldn’t be this fat. I like carbs. And carbs and I are basically breaking up forever.

It’s sick to say this, but it’s almost like mourning the loss of a friend. Food has always been there for me through the best and worst of times, you know?

So I’m actually getting a little depressed.

Also, maybe a little mad. Because I can’t just have a night out anymore, after this surgery. It’s not like I’ll ever not be able to eat something ever again (though that’s entirely what it feels like). But, I’ll be able to have maybe a bite, at most.

In order to stay healthy, besides taking alexia bariatric vitamins for the rest of my life, I have to eat protein, protein, protein. 1g for every 10cals. So not alleged “high-protein” fun stuff like almonds or peanut butter.

I have to stick with “real” high-protein, like lean ground beef, chicken, and some Greek yogurt. At every single meal. For the rest of my life. My pouch will be so small I can’t eat fruits and veggies, like I love.

I have to get as much “bang for my buck” so to speak, with the protein. If I eat fruit or veg, there’s less room for the protein that my body will desperately need.

So, it’s just a little depressing and I really do feel like I’m in mourning a bit. How sick is that? Clearly there’s a reason I’m over 300 lbs.

But, at least I got one last night out, at a nice restaurant, with the love of my life, and I definitely savored the deliciousness. Now, I have to let go of turning towards food, and work on new and healthy alternatives. I have a long journey ahead of me, but I intend to be strong, both physically and mentally.

Pull yourself together


I had a rather rough day yesterday, and found the above quote. I think it fits perfectly. Life threw me a curveball, but I’m pulling it together (minus the drink… Empty cals!!!). But, in theory, I love this quote.

I was trying to redirect my emotions into productive ones. As I posted the other day, you can’t change how people treat you, but you can change how you react. Not that it’s easy, I’ll tell you that much. But, if you really focus and try, you absolutely can. Sometimes you just have to take a step back or a time out and digest things and refocus.

So that’s what I’ve been working on since yesterday. Surprisingly, I am feeling like I’m finally getting my groove back today, which is awesome! I felt a bit lost and really struggling for awhile.

Today, for lunch, I was thinking of Taco Bell, because I’m poor and only had $6 cash. But, I decided against it and chose outback. I had to pay with a credit card, which was highly annoying (I’m waiting for a replacement debit card to arrive), but, it was a better choice. Plus, instead of garlic mash I chose mixed veg and a side salad. Could have done without the side salad, but, it’s an improvement over my usual order.

I also had breakfast and my afternoon snack and actually finished both Greek yogurts today. I knew I could find flavors I actually enjoyed eating 🙂

So my protein is 34% of my daily nutrition today, which is a lot better than I had been doing. So far today I’ve had 84 g of protein, and my goal is 90/day, so I’m golden after I eat dinner and a snack. Pretty happy with myself and my progress.

I also devoted time to work on homework (MBA program starts Saturday!) and I have volunteer work to do as well, for an event next weekend. I asked the fiancé to help with dish duty and trash duty tonight, and he obliged.

I’m determined to make this all work. The surgery (praying it gets re-approved still), graduate school, volunteering, planning the wedding, all my commitments. It’s a lot, but it’ll be worth it.

Oh- I also resolved to learn how to cook today! I ordered a George Foreman 3-in-1 evolve grill. It has the regular grill, plus a baking pan and muffin pan. Which, based on protein-packed bariatric-friendly meals I’ve been pinning, muffin pans are a must!

You can make an appropriate portion, with multiple servings all at once. I’m really excited to actually try to cook some of the recipes I pinned on Pinterest!!! Who knew that would ever happen?!

But, like the nutritionist told me, if I eat what I’ve always eaten, I’ll weigh what I’ve always weighed. That has become unacceptable to me and I’m willing to put in a little extra effort to cook healthy dishes. I don’t think anything will b exceptionally hard, it will just be new for me. I’m used to throwing something in the oven or microwave and being done with it. Now I’ll be working with actual ingredients…

I’m really excited and happy with my progress today. I can tell I’m committed to making drastic changes in my life. It’s going to b hard work (all of it- not just my battle with weight), but I’m determined to see it through and be successful. If you want something badly enough, you’ll work for it and find a way to make it happen, right?

New Direction

According to the scale at the surgeons office, I am officially one pound over my highest weight ever. My all-time, earth-shattering, lapband-propelling, highest weight.

Today, I weighed 310 lbs. That is something I never thought would happen in the first place, and after topping out at 309 in 2012, I decided to get the lapband and started a journey.

Today, I am on a new journey. Not the end all, be all journey for everyone, but one I think is necessary for me.

This morning I had my first weight management appt, to talk about life after the sleeve. There was an insane amount of information packed in an hour or so. It’s an entirely new way of looking at food.

And, inevitably, there will be haters and naysayers. That’s something I really have to work on accepting and just getting over and letting it go. I can’t change how people treat me or what they say, all I can change is how I react, right?


That’s going to be hard. And people don’t understand a bariatric lifestyle. It’s not eating like a normal person would eat. It’s not about getting in fruits and veg, its main focus is protein. It’s not counting calories, it’s following a protein to calorie ratio. It’s not how YOU may eat, or what may be healthy for “YOU”, but it’s what is going to work for me.

I think that’s so frustrating. Some people think they know it all and have all the answers and understand being super morbidly obese. You don’t. You don’t understand my struggle, for one, and you don’t know what the right path is for me. I wish more people would respect your journey, regardless of what you choose. You have to do what is right for you. No one else can decide that for you.

So, I’m excited about hopefully getting surgery re-approved. I went to the grocer tonight and got my new food staples. I still got some fruit, because I did really enjoy clean eating, and for now I’m focusing on getting into the habit of eating 6 times a day. Im not trying to eat as if I had surgery yet, which was huge for me. I had been trying to do super low cals and eat as if. But the nutritionist told me today that it’s not like after surgery. I still have a full stomach, and probably way too much ghrelin (the “hunger hormone”). So it’s not feasible and I shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to eat so low right now.

But what I can do is cut out all soda immediately, start following my 10-to-1 calorie to protein ratio guidelines and making the kind of choices I will make after surgery. Right now I’ll be eating more, but that’s ok. I’m starting new habits. I’m going to have to eat like clockwork the rest of my life. And take vitamins. And I can start doing all those things now.

I’ve also got to get back to walking. It’s definitely a priority. I was disappointed I didn’t make time to walk tonight, but I have no excuse not to walk tomorrow. I’ll have to start small again, and build up to it, but I need to accept that where I am now is ok, too. Everyone has to have a starting point.

I’ll be posting new pics, as I’m definitely a higher weight than I was over the summer. I’m also going to work on blogging more often, because 1) it gets things out of my head, and 2) i gain so much support from all of you who read my blog!

I’m learning to be more positive about my new journey, and I’m working on accepting where I am. I think it’s the only way I’m going to be able to get to where I want to be.

Someone recently told me I need to be as compassionate to myself as I would be to anyone else. Isn’t that the truth? There’s enough things that happen in life to beat us down. We don’t need to add to it. I know that I would never be as harsh or critical of a friend of mine as I am of myself. That has to change.