Post-Wedding Update

  
Well, I didn’t lose 100 lbs down by the wedding (which was June 20, 2015), but I was down nearly 60 lbs. 

My dress did fit– as you can see– thanks to the corset back we substituted in. 

I may not have hit my original goal by the wedding, but I’m pretty happy I lost as much as I did. Every lb helped, and I truly felt like Cinderella. 

I’m definitely not stopping my weight loss journey, just because the wedding has come and gone, either! 

New goal: hitting 100 lbs down by the end of 2015. Then I’ll still need to lose about 50lbs in 2016, after which I would be at goal. 

So– I’m back from the honeymoon, and that means back on track! I didn’t eat awful on the honeymoon, but I did have some drinks, carbs, and a little ice cream. 

Since I started my new job in April, I haven’t been able to eat every 3 hours, like I’m supposed to. I also wasn’t eating as well as I should have been. 

I’m happy to report I found a newer “new job”, which I’ll start July 8th. I’ll be working from home (after a week or so of training), and not only will I be able to get back to my healthy eating patterns, it will be much easier to eat the proper things as well. 

I’m very excited to get back on my diet and hit that 100lb down mark by the end of the year! 

1/3 of the way there! 

I had a Dr appt yesterday to follow up post-surgery and they had my weight lower than what I weighed just on Monday. I didn’t want to count the loss, until I weighed on my own scale, to stay consistent. 

Instead of waiting until Friday, I went ahead and weighed myself this morning– not only did I finally hit the 5-0 lbs down mark, I surpassed it! 

Weight today is 264, for a total loss of 52 lbs since February. I’m looking to lose a total of approximately 150 lbs, so I’m officially 1/3 of the way there! That’s major progress! 

Re-energized to try and still lose 18 more lbs by the wedding, for 70lbs down. I have 51 days, so I think it’s feasible. I’ve just really got to stay focused and kill it! 

I’m pretty excited I hit my first big goal finally. Now to just keep the momentum rolling! 

  

Early birdie 

Today I planned on getting up at 530, so I could make the gym before work. Instead, I woke up before 330a. Yesterday I was up before 430; but skipped the gym and baked a breakfast casserole and cleaned. 

So this morning I decided to come downstairs, get breakfast, and put some dishes on to wash. I am all for being productive, but I’m worried I’m going to completely crash at some point. 

I did weigh myself yesterday morning to see the damage I had done last week, and to my amazement I was still somehow down a lb. So I’m down 48 lbs so far. 

Of course I’m trying to lose as absolutely much weight as possible before the wedding. Originally I had wanted to be down 70lbs by the wedding, but that doesn’t seem realistic now. But I’m going to see how close I can get. 

Since the wedding will be here in no time (53 days!) I decided last night I needed to set a “next” goal: my after-wedding goal is to be down 100lbs by year-end. Which is totally doable. As of right now, I have 8 months to lose only 52lbs. And really, I should be losing 8-10 lbs/mo, if I really kill it. So secretly I’m trying for 120 lbs down by year-end. 

If I actually hit that, I would be down to goal weight by year end! Realistic goal weight. Of course I’m going to try and see if I can lose a bit more weight, once I’m closer. My realistic goal weight, based on a prior Dr, is 150lbs. But, I’m only 5’3″, so that’s still heavy. My core body weight was around 130, per my old Dr, so 150 is realistic. But I’m not in love with that number. Of course I want to be back up my high school weight. 

But, we’ll adjust once I get closer and figure out what is and is not feasible. For now, my first focus is on the wedding (and fitting my dress!!!!) and my next focus is to get down 100 lbs by the end of the year. 

I also want to build back up to walking further (think 20-30k steps/day) and eventually being able to jog a 5k. I need to get down a little more first, before I can try jogging. Right now walking a few miles is still a good workout. 

Of course, once I get down, I want to be able to do all the things I have not been able to for so long. I want to go on roller coasters (islands of adventure is my fave!) and I want to do stuff like parasailing and zip lining. I want to be able to fully enjoy life again!

So that’s what’s up with me. 

Small victories 

 

So I have lost a few more pounds (down 47 lbs) but today I’m celebrating the small victories. I’m trying to pay attention to all these little milestones I reach, to remind me it’s not just the scale, it’s really about my health and how I feel. 

Yesterday I wore “big girl shoes” allllll day at work and at the wedding tasting- I even climbed stairs in them! For years now I have only been wearing ballet flats. Every. Single. Day. There’s nothing wrong with ballet flats, but I’m only 32 and I want to wear cute heels!  

Earlier this week I tried clasping my bra, like a normal person, and I was able to do it. So embarrassing but for so long I’ve just put it on over my head because I couldn’t reach. 

I also noticed my feet and ankles haven’t been swelling like they were. I no longer have to take lasiks, which is awesome. That could be really uncomfortable sometimes. 

I’m still hoping to be down another size by the wedding, but I only expect to lose 20lbs more, so it’s going to be close. If I can accomplish that, I’ll be down 70 lbs by the wedding, which will still make a huge difference. 

I did try on my new dress yesterday- you know, the one I exchanged that was 2 sizes smaller than my original dress? Well, no surprise here, it didn’t fit. Not like it was just an inch off or so either. It does not fit. And I’m not sure that it will in only 20 more lbs. My mom feels very comfortable about it, because we are putting in a corset back. So she thinks it would be fin, even if I lost no more weight. I’m not so sure, though. A little stressed about that. 

But, trying to focus on the positives and how good I’m doing. How I can walk further, not get winded, and generally do more. I know it’s still only the beginning, so I can’t wait to keep working and keep losing! 

“Today was a good day” 

As Ice Cube once said, today was a good day! I wish every day could be like today! 

I got up early and went to the gym and instead of only doing a mile or two at most, like I have been, I set my mind to doing 3 miles. It’s the most- especially at once- since my surgery. I got in over 8000 steps before work and got in a lot of water. 

For the first time today, I passed my 10,000 step goal, I passed my protein goal, and I passed my water goal– *finally*!!!! I have really been struggling to get in the water I am supposed to. I am supposed to drink 70oz of water/day, but whenever you eat there’s a period of 45 min+ that you can’t drink, so it makes it hard. But, getting in that gym time before work and continuing to drink while I was getting ready really helped!

I’m so proud of myself and I really do wish every day could be like today. It needs to be, in order for me to get down to where I need to be. Especially where I need to be by the wedding. But, I know if I keep doing like I did today, I can definitely achieve my goals! It feels so good to be back in the game! 

Checking in 

Just wanted to touch base since I haven’t written in awhile. I’m now at 43 lbs down. I’m 6 weeks past surgery. 

I’m not losing as quickly as I could, I had some carbs. Very small amounts, but apparently it takes virtually nothing to stall weight loss. So, I am recommitting to cutting out all carbs. Not carbs in protein, like greek yogurt, but bread, etc. I had a few bites of mashed potatoes yesterday for Easter. But, I’ve only got 75 days until the wedding, and I have got to lose as much as absolutely possible. 

My dress is still nowhere close to fitting. I haven’t tried it on yet, but I ordered it 2 sizes smaller and I am not there yet. So, I’m a little stressed. I am hoping I can still manage 20 lbs down more by the wedding. I was trying for 70 lbs down by the wedding, but I don’t think that is possible at this point. 

I’ve also started going back to the gym. Once I started back at work, I got off track there. But, I started back Thursday and went saturday and Sunday as well. Going back again tomorrow before work. 

I guess that’s about all that’s up with me! Check back in soon! 

Surgery approved!

After about 3 weeks of waiting, I finally got an answer today on my pre-authorization request for bariatric surgery, and the answer was YES- Surgery is approved!

So thankful this is officially happening, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. This is a HUGE lifestyle change, and comes with risks. But, everything in life is a risk-reward evaluation, and the potential rewards for proceeding with surgery (to me) outweigh the potential risks and certain side effects.

I haven’t written in awhile, so I’ll give you a bunch of updates and try to bring you up to speed. I also just updated/added “pages” on my blog, so check them out, and keep checking back for the latest pics, etc!

I don’t think I told you how my first info class went… I found out that I will definitely have hair loss with surgery. I knew it was a potential side effect, but I found out it’s happening. For sure. Virtually everyone that undergoes sleeve surgery loses hair.

That freaked me out a little. I’m a typical girl, who’s rather attached to her (beautiful, long, blonde) hair.

I’ve been working SO hard to grow my hair out for the wedding. I’ve also been killing myself to keep it blonde, which is really a lot of upkeep for a naturally dark brunette. To keep it from getting brassy, from breaking, constantly getting highlights to hide my roots, it’s really rather obnoxious. BUT, I love, love, love, being a (bottled!) blonde!

Now, I’m worried all my hard work was for naught. I’ve been resisting the urge for MONTHS now to chop off all my hair, because I know that I want beautiful, long, blonde locks for the wedding- I’ll look back at those pictures forever. And now, I will definitely lose hair? What exactly does that look like?

According to the nutritionist at my Dr’s, her hair got “quite thin” and I should expect the same. It also happens between approximately months 3-9 post-surgery: Right in the wedding window 😦 I am not a happy camper.

But I’m also not blowing this chance and not getting surgery just because I’m going to lose some hair.

I’m up to about 310-315lbs right now. I know. It’s enormous, trust me, I know, I get it.

But, those extra 10-15 lbs are seriously killing me. I FEEL it.

I feel it now when I’m trying to walk, or get comfortable to sleep, my feet and ankles have been swelling like crazy again. I feel it just sitting here, I feel FAT everywhere. Uncomfortable. Unhealthy. I get winded walking to my car now. It’s pathetic.

I hate the way I feel, not to mention the way I look. I’m just SO big again, it’s unreal.

But, I can’t get down on myself, I have to keep looking forward.

I’m having surgery to get healthy, be able to be more active, hopefully sleep better, and live longer. That’s what it all really comes down to.

So, my new goal is to lose 50lbs by the wedding, which is just under 5 months away. They told me I can expect to lose 10 lbs during my TWO WEEK liquid diet (b/c of my BMI being so high), and then that’s just 10 lbs/mo for the next 4 months.

That is totally doable, and of course I’m really hoping to lose more, but I’m trying to stick with very realistic goals.

I’ve been pinning bariatric-friendly recipes on pinterest, and I bought a George Foreman 3-in-1 grill thing, which I still have to learn how to use.

I’m committed to getting this weight off, and changing my life, and living healthier.

There’s so many things I can’t wait to experience and share with you.

This Chrismahanukkah I want to get my fiance the annual passes to Islands of Adventure that I realized I couldn’t buy this year, because I couldn’t fit in anything.

My first big concern is fitting on the airplane for our honeymoon. We’re going to Sandals in Antigua, so there’s no way around flying. I’m terrified about this. I had hoped to be down 100 lbs by my wedding, so I expected to be smaller than I will really be. Even at 50 lbs down, that’s still a whopping 260lbs that has to fit into tiny little airplane seats. My anxiety level is rising just thinking about it. I really hope it’s not horrendously embarrassing. That’s my first size-related goal.

Seeing the scale go down will be great, but I want to start noticing results. Actually, my first goal, which I should hopefully experience before the wedding, is being able to close my bra like a normal person again. This is totally TMI, I’m sure, but I want to keep this blog real. Trying to lose weight isn’t just about vanity for me. It’s about being able to do things I cannot currently. Right now, it’s so embarrassing, but I have to hook my bra and then pull it over my head like a T-Shirt, and jiggle and tug it to get semi into place. It’s uncomfortable and annoying, and did I mention embarrassing? I want to be able to put on and take off my bra like anyone else would.

I think I’ve (over) shared quite enough for one post– But, suffice to say, I’m very excited and looking forward to improving my life and the journey ahead!

Birthday weekend

As anticipated, I am being completely awful this weekend. Chilis for dinner tonight (had to have queso one last time…) and then my mom asked us to lunch at Olive Garden tomorrow for my birthday and we are going out to dinner at red lobster with friends.

I know- lots of bad/fattening food in a short amount of time. But, starting Monday, I am back to being hardcore.

I’m not sure exactly how I’ll be eating yet. I have an appt Monday morning at 930 with the nutritionist in the surgeons office. I met with et before, when I was previously considering surgery and she put me on a high protein diet. Think all-meat, all the time. No veggies and def no carbs.

I’m wondering though, if they’re possibly going to start me on all liquids. I think you might have to be on liquids before the surgery, but I can’t remember. I know you definitely are for awhile after. So, with an expected January surgery date, I’m not sure what they’ll do.

Whatever they tell me to do, I’m going to follow it 100%. It’s time t do this for real.

I’ve tried on my own for a solid six months now, and unfortunately it didn’t happen. I’m going to post new “before” pics, because I think I’m actually up a few lbs over where I started last summer.

I hate feeling like I wasted 6 months, when I could have already had the surgery and been losing weight. But, like the surgeon told me, you have to be ready and I was not ready then. It’s a huge commitment and lifestyle change. It’s giving up things, I’ll never be able to eat the way I used to again.

Which is entirely the point …

But, it’s definitely a huge change and I’m trying to just focus on now and let the past go. I actually need to lose 150 lbs. so that will be my new journey.

I’ll still be blogging and chronicling my weight loss journey, until the wedding and beyond.

I’m so thankful for all the support I’ve received on this blog, and I can’t wait to start showing you my progress again.

This is going to be a whole new lifestyle, for the rest of my life. I suspect my weight will always be a battle, but I’m taking steps to equip myself to better fight it.

Going for broke

I’m definitely feeling increasingly desperate about my situation. I so much wanted to do this on my own, and while I’ve had some successes, the set backs equal them out.

I’m reconsidering having weight loss surgery, specifically a sleeve gastrectomy. Even thinking about having the surgery freaks me out.

I have friends who think I should, and friends who think I shouldn’t, but ultimately I have to make the decision. I have some calls in, to look into potentially going through with this.

Some of you may remember I had my lapband removed in January and had actually had surgery scheduled over the summer for the sleeve. I was scared and decided against it, which is when I started this blog. I wanted to get serious and lose the weight for the wedding but more importantly for my health and the rest of my life.

Well, I’m back right about where i started. Which is ultimately a failure.

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried very hard to do this on my own (more than once, not just since starting this blog) and I’ve failed time after time. I promised myself I would never let myself get to a certain weight again, and here I am.

I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I’ve accomplished many things in my life, but I’ve never been able to sustain a healthy weight.

I’ve continued to balloon up over the years. There have been ups and downs, but the trend is an ever-expanding waistline.

I’m truly feeling quite desperate and beside myself and also quite alone.

I don’t know what to do, but I’m seeing what my options are for surgery. It’s just scares me to death. But so does potentially weighing 500 lbs one day.

I was always overweight. I *never* thought I would be on of “those” people, though. But I’m pretty much there. I am terrified of continuing to gain as the years go by. I don’t know how to control this or what else to try.

Right now I’m just trying to keep it together and not have a complete meltdown…

Holiday Hesitance

I’m starting to worry about my fluctuating weight and the upcoming holiday season. It’s hard enough this time of year to maintain your weight, let alone trying to lose not even just a little, but needing to lose a decent amount.

Right now I have a wedding dress that absolutely does not fit. I know I still have 7 months to get down, but I’ve wasted at least 3 months already! If not more, actually…

That makes me feel very depressed about my prospects of losing this holiday season. We have our engagement party this Saturday, which they’ll be plenty of food of course, and thanksgiving next week at his sisters then I invited his family over for a sort of pre-holiday dinner the weekend of December 12th, then my mom and fam is coming over Christmas Eve and my dad and fam is coming over Christmas night. Every gathering will of course have tons of fatty foods….

Plus not only will I be tempted by the food itself, but I’ll have the stress of being a host for most of those as well.

I so love the holidays, and I’ve been having the best holiday-buzz going on, but now I’m getting a bit stressed. I’m very apprehensive going into this time of year.

Oh- not to mention after these holidays we’ll have NYE, which I’m certain to drink about a million calories that night, then my birthday the 4th and his the 26th. Then Valentines.

I mean it just goes on and on…

I’ve got to figure out how to navigate through this season and still shrink my waistline…