Post-Wedding Update

  
Well, I didn’t lose 100 lbs down by the wedding (which was June 20, 2015), but I was down nearly 60 lbs. 

My dress did fit– as you can see– thanks to the corset back we substituted in. 

I may not have hit my original goal by the wedding, but I’m pretty happy I lost as much as I did. Every lb helped, and I truly felt like Cinderella. 

I’m definitely not stopping my weight loss journey, just because the wedding has come and gone, either! 

New goal: hitting 100 lbs down by the end of 2015. Then I’ll still need to lose about 50lbs in 2016, after which I would be at goal. 

So– I’m back from the honeymoon, and that means back on track! I didn’t eat awful on the honeymoon, but I did have some drinks, carbs, and a little ice cream. 

Since I started my new job in April, I haven’t been able to eat every 3 hours, like I’m supposed to. I also wasn’t eating as well as I should have been. 

I’m happy to report I found a newer “new job”, which I’ll start July 8th. I’ll be working from home (after a week or so of training), and not only will I be able to get back to my healthy eating patterns, it will be much easier to eat the proper things as well. 

I’m very excited to get back on my diet and hit that 100lb down mark by the end of the year! 

39 lbs down

I’m just over one month post surgery and I’m down 39 lbs since pre-op diet started. About 6 weeks since I started the pre-op diet, though. 

 

I can’t tell much difference in the front photos, but in the side photos I think it’s more clear. I’m glad the scale has started going back down again. 

I’m officially under 90-days out from my wedding! As of today, it’s 88 days away. Im hoping to lose about 30 more lbs by the wedding. 

I exchanged my dress for one 2 sizes smaller, so the pressure is definitely on to fit the dress. 

Not a lot to say tonight, but I wanted to post progress pics!!!!  

Plateau?

After losing 30 lbs in 3 weeks, I’ve been stuck with the same 2 lbs down for days now. 4-5 days. Last week I only lost 2 lbs and I’m still barely eating. I’ve just started puréed foods. Could i possibly be hitting a plateau so quickly? 

I have my 2-week post-op appointment tomorrow, so I can talk to my Dr then. In the meantime it’s driving me nuts. I’ve been waking, like I’m supposed to, and eating well, I don’t understand why the scale isn’t moving. 

It’s a bit frustrating when you’re doing all the right things and not seeing the results. I am trying to focus on the positive though. My fiancé remarked yesterday that my stomach looks like I’ve lost some weight, and I was able to get into some clothes I haven’t been able to wear. So those are all good milestones. 

But I’m still really frustrated by the scale. The good thing is I am going to keep going, and the scale will have to move, eventually. If I don’t break it before then… 

Mourning loss of food

I think I may have mentioned this in an earlier post, but now that I’m coming up on week 3 post-op, I’m really struggling with the loss of food. 

I just started eating puréed foods, which includes egg and tuna. I feel like I can eat way less of these foods than I could of soup. I’m beyond sick of soup, by the way. But, I love eggs and I don’t usually like tuna, but it’s tons of protein, and it was actually pretty ok. I’m also just food deprived lol. 

But, I want to eat more than I can. It seemed a little easier to throw away excess soup I couldn’t eat. Now that I’m eating more solid foods, I *want* to eat more. I want to feel satisfied– but it’s in my mind. My body is full now, and that’s all I can eat. Literally. Just a few little bites. But, in my head it’s not enough. 

There’s a disconnect between my mind and my body now. I guess maybe there always has been, because to me, being satisfied, was eating way too much. I didn’t need that much food, I just wanted it on an emotional level. Now that I can’t have it, it makes me feel sad. 

I know I have to figure this out, in order to be successful. It actually scares me a little bit. I don’t want to screw this up, and I’m so worried I’m going to fail at this. 

I am only down 3 lbs this week, which is on track for losing 10lbs/mo, which is what I can expect to lose. But, it worries me that the weight loss has slowed down. I know I’m still losing, and should be happy, but I’m not. 

So, overall I’m just struggling a bit today with this new lifestyle. I know this was to be expected, but it doesn’t make it any easier. 

30 lbs down

To really get an idea of how much 30 lbs of fat is, I googled those 5lbs of fat pictures. So, I had 6 of those in my body that are no longer there, after just 3 short weeks (all on clear liquids, hence the quick drop).

That’s a tremendous amount of fat to be down, and makes me feel a lot more accomplished than just saying “30lbs”. I don’t see a difference yet– not enough, anyway.

My feet and ankles are no longer swelling and my ankles are smaller than they have been in general. I think my face is a little less puffy too. But, even after losing 30 lbs, I’m just so heavy, it’s not really noticeable. But, my jeans do feel looser, which is a good thing.

I’m hoping at 50 lbs down it will be more noticeable. My previous goal was to be down 50 lbs by the wedding. Given how much I’ve lost the past 3 weeks, I’ve adjusted that goal to 70 lbs down by the wedding. I’m already down 30, I just have to lose 10lbs/mo the next 4 months, which should be completely attainable.

I can’t wait to see where I end up and to start getting my life back. I’m already making plans of what I can start doing. Right now I’m just praying I lose enough to only need one seat on our honeymoon flights. I’m still nervous about that, but feeling a little more optimistic.

I’ve also started using my fitbit again, as of today. Granted, I’m not being very active right now, as I’m still recovering, but I figured it would be good to get back in the habit. And I am trying to be more active around the house, while I’m stuck here. Which, I’m supposed to be doing.

I picked my dog up from my dads Yesterday, and today we’ve gone for two short walks so far. I had gotten to where I would only take him outside near our house. Now we’re going around one street over. This morning I overdid it a little. I went for a walk, unloaded the dishwasher (slooooowly), and threw in a load of laundry. Then, after only being up a couple hours, I was exhausted and passed out for 2.5 hrs. It was a little too much, too soon.

I did switch to full liquids today (creamy soups and even fudgesicles)! That’s been pretty exciting for me. I’m also getting hungrier and eating closer to 4oz per meal, instead of 2oz. Progressing just like I should be.

So all is going well! I’m happy to be down so much so quickly, and I know the rapid weight loss won’t last. Not that much. But I’m trying to keep very realistic goals, and the fact that I could be under 250 for my wedding is awesome. It’s been a long time…

2 days post-op

I ended up losing 20 lbs in the 2 weeks pre-op. I was 316lbs the week before the pre-op diet started, though the highest weight I have a picture of is 310 lbs. Not a lot of noticeable change in these photos, which is sad I can lose 14 lbs and it’s not noticeable in pictures.

But, it’s still a start and I wanted to post some Progress pics.

I’m now 2 days post-op. I was discharged yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, I could not tolerate the liquid pain meds they gave me, so I was in an awful lot of pain last night and barely slept again. I didn’t get hardly any sleep in the hospital either. Until about 3 hours ago I was extremely sore.

I finally got pain pills, and I cut them in half and took them, and magically I feel about a million times better. It’s amazing how much that little pill helps. I also ate some sugar free jello: 3 spoonfuls, which is the most I’ve eaten since surgery. I also finally slept for more than an hour at a time, which has also helped me feel a bunch better.

I haven’t been walking as much as I was supposed to be (helps prevent blood clots) but I think it was because I was in so much pain. I’m going to try to do the 5-10 min every hour-1.5 hours, like I’m supposed to now.

My beloved puppy, Rory, is getting a little vacation at my dads house. I really miss him, but I think it’s best he isn’t here. He loves to pounce on mommy’s tummy, and the Dr said to definitely not chance that for 2 weeks, then discuss at 2-week post-op appt. I miss him terribly, but I also can’t imagine the pain he would cause pouncing nor can I risk the possible internal damage. And my dad has been sending me photos of the little munchkin.

I guess that’s all I have to report for now. Feeling a lot more optimistic, now that I am in less pain. I’ve never been in so much pain after a surgery, but this is also the most major surgery I’ve ever had. Not really hungry, but it’s time to try and eat a little more jello. Trying to keep to a schedule, like how I should be eating every 3 hours for the rest of my life. Right now I can only eat about 2oz, which is about 4 tablespoons.

Onward and upward… This is just the beginning.

Down 18 lbs in 11 days pre-op

It’s day 13 of the pre-op diet. The last 2 days! I didn’t weigh the last 2 mornings, but I did just weigh now (it’s evening, with clothes on) and I still weigh the same. I was down 18 lbs in the first 11 days of the pre-op diet.

I’m finally back under 300lbs. I had topped out at 316 the week before the liquid diet. I am now 298. I know now that I’m truly capable of never going back there. I never want to know that weight again. It was awful.

I am happy that the scale is finally moving in the right direction. But the pre-op diet isn’t really about the weight loss, the point is to shrink your liver so surgery is safer and can be done laparoscopic. Otherwise they may have to cut a humungous incision from the belly button to Breast bone, which would be utterly painful and awful. Not to mention forever ugly. I’m praying my liver has shrunk enough. It’s hard not knowing.

Knowing you have 150lbs to lose is daunting. But, actually seeing consistent weight loss, even pre-op is so encouraging. If I listen and do everything they tell me to, I know I can be successful. It’s going to come off quickly (I hope). I really hope the pre-op diet is an indication that the weight is ready to come off.

I know it won’t come off that quickly, once I’m back on solids. But, it should still be consistent. Post-surgery I’ll still be on a clear liquid diet for week 1. Week 2 is full liquids (so milk based soups- yay!). Week 3-4 is puréed- at this point I will actually be able to eat eggs (I use egg beaters) and Greek yogurt. I cannot wait til weeks 3-4 lol. Then week 5 begins a regular bariatric diet. So, including the 2 week pre-op diet, that means I will be off true solids for 6 weeks. I have to lose a decent amount in that time. I hope.

Especially since at first, due to swelling, I can expect to eat only 2oz at a time (that is roughly 4 tablespoons). That’s truly a small amount of food. And we’re talking liquids at first, so the weight should melt off.

I hope I’m not getting too amped up about this, because I don’t want to be disappointed.

I’m still keeping my realistic goal of losing 10lbs/mo. Of course I’m going to try to beat that number, though. You can lose the most in the first 6 months, and I’ve got 4 months until my wedding, so I’m really going to try and kill it.

They say the first year is your “golden opportunity”. You’ll never lose weight as quickly or easily as you do in that first year. My goal is to be down 100lbs in the first year. 100 lbs down. I would be under 200 lbs again! It’s been so long…

Part of me can’t even imagine it right now and the other part of me can’t wait. I am ready to take my life back.

6 more days

Each day I seem to get to a point where I think “I can’t make it”. The week + day that I’ve been on the clear liquid diet has been rough. I know there’s a million harder things in the world, but for a +300lb fat girl to, on her own, eat nothing but clear liquids for two weeks is kind of a big deal. It’s definitely been a struggle.

I’ve thought about cheating a million times. My stomach is growling right now and I’ve already had two broths today, a sugar free jello and a sugar fee Popsicle. But I’m still starving. I want food. Real food. I want to chew something. I’ve thought a million times about going to McDonald’s, for instance. This weekend when we went out to dinner with his family to celebrate a few birthdays, I wanted t die. Smelling all that food, and seeing steak and chicken strips and fries and shrimp and everything else you could think of was killing me. But, I survived. So far, I’ve survived.

I can’t mess up now. I’ve come too far. The whole point of the clear liquids for two weeks is to shrink my liver and release some of the fat and sugar it’s holding on to. It makes the surgery a lot safer. I can’t jeopardize my surgery because I’m a fat ass and want to eat.

They said you could get emotional and moody. Well, I am. I hate feeling out of control of my emotions. After the surgery it’s only going to intensify, because that hormone will be gone and thins are changing rapidly. At first I wasn’t too worried, but I kind of am now. I don’t like feeling this way.

I know the next 1-2 years are going to be hard. But worth it. But hard. I have to relearn how to have a healthy relationship with food. But not by conventional standards. Bariatric lifestyles are totally different. And if I’m going to keep the weight off its truly got to be a lifelong thing. That’s hard.

I’m just feeling a bit down today, I guess. So much going on at once, and being hungry doesn’t help anything. But I’m not going to be like one of those people on TV. I’ve blown my chances in other things in my past, and I refuse to blow my chance on this. This is a chance at a brand new life. I’m only 32. I know I’m not in my 20s or something, but I’ve still got a good long life and some of the best years ahead of me. I want to be healthy enough to enjoy them.

Pre-Op Nutrition Class: Done!

Today I had my final class before surgery with the nutritionist at the Dr’s office! We are officially a “Go” for surgery!

As you may recall, I actually had a Lap-Band in like 2012, and removed in 2014. I also had the revisional surgery to convert to a sleeve approved last year (but never went through with it). So, I’m not exactly a total newbs when it comes to the whole weight loss surgery thing.

However, today’s class was pretty informative and I think very well done. There was ample time for questions, and we truly covered every detail from the pre-op diet, to the recovery diet the first month, to proceeding to our lasting bariatric diet, which is how we will live for the rest of our lives. We also went over exactly what will happen on surgery day, during the surgery, all potential (including very remote) complications, etc.

I feel very comfortable getting ready to go into this surgery. I feel as prepared as I can be, and that I really understand all facets of life with the sleeve, what to expect, etc. Now it’s just on me to do my part and use this amazing tool and finally get the weight off.

I thought I would have to wait until a month or so post-surgery before I could start exercising again, but in reality I can get on that treadmill as early as 2 weeks post-op. They say that your body will never lose weight as quickly or easily as it does that first year after surgery, so you really want to make the most of it. That means following the diet 110%, exercising, getting in your required protein every 3 hours, getting in your water every day, taking the bariatric vitamins, etc.

My original goal was to lose 50 lbs by the wedding. That is a very realistic goal, and I would feel so much better. I’d be down around 260. Potentially– I know it isn’t the norm— but, potentially, I could lose more than 50 lbs. The nutritionist lost like 70-75 lbs in her first 6 months after her sleeve gastrectomy. So… being such an “all or nothing” type girl, guess what my goal is? Yup… 100 lbs. Now- is that really feasible and realistic to expect? Nope, probably not.

But, if the first year is the easiest time in my whole life to ever get this weight off, and your body starts to reset itself to a new weight after the first year, you can bet I’m going to try like hell to lose as absolutely much weight as my body will possibly let me in the first year as possible. My “realistic” goal is to lose 100 lbs the first year. But, you can lose a tremendous amount of weight in the first 6 months… So, I’m going to try my hardest and see what happens.

I’m going to join a gym in March, and plan to start back to the gym (on the treadmill only) 2-3 weeks post-surgery. I need to give myself a goal, so it doesn’t just drag on, and I don’t get around to it, etc. So, by the time I’m well enough to go back to work, my ass is well enough to get to the gym.

They’re opening a new gym this February right at the corner by where I live. So, no excuses. I’ll literally be passing this place on the way to work and the way home from work every.single.day. My goal starting out will be to walk 3-5 times a week, and I want to work back up to 5-7 times a week. I was committed before, working out 6-7 days/week, 1-2/day. I’ve done it before, I’ve pushed myself and seen results (10lbs down/month) and I can do it again. Now I will have this amazing tool and my body will be in overdrive. I’m never getting a chance like this again the rest of my life, and I’m going to take full advantage of it.

Now, this means I literally need to forego pretty much all carbs for at least a year. Once your weight stabilizes, you can add carbs back in, in small amounts, in moderation. But, definitely for the first 12 months, carbs are a no-go and will slow down or even stop weight loss. Like she says, you know what bread tastes like. You can have it again. It’s not a “never again” but it should be a “not now” during that first 12 months. You will never have another opportunity like this, and is cheating with bread really worth it?

It’s a huge, huge, huge lifestyle change. A forever change. This isn’t some new diet I’m trying, that I’m going to quit in a month, or two months, or three… I can never quit this. For the rest of my life, I have to focus on getting in enough protein, while only eating very small amounts of food. I’ll never be able to eat a full meal again. Food has to become less of the focus, and less important in my life.

It’s overwhelming a little to even think about.

But, this is my chance to make a brand-new me, to get down to a weight I can be happier and healthier at, and one that won’t hold me back from living and enjoying my life. I’ve got to take full advantage of this opportunity and not screw it up and screw myself over.

I’m feeling really determined right now to follow though on all the guidelines and really commit to learning to live in a brand new, healthier way. I’m going all-in!

Surgery approved!

After about 3 weeks of waiting, I finally got an answer today on my pre-authorization request for bariatric surgery, and the answer was YES- Surgery is approved!

So thankful this is officially happening, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. This is a HUGE lifestyle change, and comes with risks. But, everything in life is a risk-reward evaluation, and the potential rewards for proceeding with surgery (to me) outweigh the potential risks and certain side effects.

I haven’t written in awhile, so I’ll give you a bunch of updates and try to bring you up to speed. I also just updated/added “pages” on my blog, so check them out, and keep checking back for the latest pics, etc!

I don’t think I told you how my first info class went… I found out that I will definitely have hair loss with surgery. I knew it was a potential side effect, but I found out it’s happening. For sure. Virtually everyone that undergoes sleeve surgery loses hair.

That freaked me out a little. I’m a typical girl, who’s rather attached to her (beautiful, long, blonde) hair.

I’ve been working SO hard to grow my hair out for the wedding. I’ve also been killing myself to keep it blonde, which is really a lot of upkeep for a naturally dark brunette. To keep it from getting brassy, from breaking, constantly getting highlights to hide my roots, it’s really rather obnoxious. BUT, I love, love, love, being a (bottled!) blonde!

Now, I’m worried all my hard work was for naught. I’ve been resisting the urge for MONTHS now to chop off all my hair, because I know that I want beautiful, long, blonde locks for the wedding- I’ll look back at those pictures forever. And now, I will definitely lose hair? What exactly does that look like?

According to the nutritionist at my Dr’s, her hair got “quite thin” and I should expect the same. It also happens between approximately months 3-9 post-surgery: Right in the wedding window 😦 I am not a happy camper.

But I’m also not blowing this chance and not getting surgery just because I’m going to lose some hair.

I’m up to about 310-315lbs right now. I know. It’s enormous, trust me, I know, I get it.

But, those extra 10-15 lbs are seriously killing me. I FEEL it.

I feel it now when I’m trying to walk, or get comfortable to sleep, my feet and ankles have been swelling like crazy again. I feel it just sitting here, I feel FAT everywhere. Uncomfortable. Unhealthy. I get winded walking to my car now. It’s pathetic.

I hate the way I feel, not to mention the way I look. I’m just SO big again, it’s unreal.

But, I can’t get down on myself, I have to keep looking forward.

I’m having surgery to get healthy, be able to be more active, hopefully sleep better, and live longer. That’s what it all really comes down to.

So, my new goal is to lose 50lbs by the wedding, which is just under 5 months away. They told me I can expect to lose 10 lbs during my TWO WEEK liquid diet (b/c of my BMI being so high), and then that’s just 10 lbs/mo for the next 4 months.

That is totally doable, and of course I’m really hoping to lose more, but I’m trying to stick with very realistic goals.

I’ve been pinning bariatric-friendly recipes on pinterest, and I bought a George Foreman 3-in-1 grill thing, which I still have to learn how to use.

I’m committed to getting this weight off, and changing my life, and living healthier.

There’s so many things I can’t wait to experience and share with you.

This Chrismahanukkah I want to get my fiance the annual passes to Islands of Adventure that I realized I couldn’t buy this year, because I couldn’t fit in anything.

My first big concern is fitting on the airplane for our honeymoon. We’re going to Sandals in Antigua, so there’s no way around flying. I’m terrified about this. I had hoped to be down 100 lbs by my wedding, so I expected to be smaller than I will really be. Even at 50 lbs down, that’s still a whopping 260lbs that has to fit into tiny little airplane seats. My anxiety level is rising just thinking about it. I really hope it’s not horrendously embarrassing. That’s my first size-related goal.

Seeing the scale go down will be great, but I want to start noticing results. Actually, my first goal, which I should hopefully experience before the wedding, is being able to close my bra like a normal person again. This is totally TMI, I’m sure, but I want to keep this blog real. Trying to lose weight isn’t just about vanity for me. It’s about being able to do things I cannot currently. Right now, it’s so embarrassing, but I have to hook my bra and then pull it over my head like a T-Shirt, and jiggle and tug it to get semi into place. It’s uncomfortable and annoying, and did I mention embarrassing? I want to be able to put on and take off my bra like anyone else would.

I think I’ve (over) shared quite enough for one post– But, suffice to say, I’m very excited and looking forward to improving my life and the journey ahead!